iPod + Teenager = ?

What Do You Get...... when you cross a teenager and an iPod Touch (with enabled wifi)?

The start of a horror story you hear about on Dateline or Maury Povich complete with private chats of an inappropriate nature with strangers of questionable age (and even gender).

I've been asked not to tweet or post about this because the Internet doesn't need to know about His daughter but I'm doing it anyway because ... well, it's *my* blog.
But, that's not the real reason. I do so not to embarrass Cinderella, or to spite anyone. I post this now because it's important to remind ALL parents (steps AND bio) of the importance of monitoring your children's internet usage. No matter how insignificant you might think it is, it can be a recipe for disaster.
Even the best parent needs a reminder every now and then.

If you are not familiar with an iPod Touch and all of it's capabilities, it's basically a mini-computer. So when your otherwise good kid is locking him/herself in their room "playing games" on their "iPod" you need to know that they may be ON TEH INTERNETZ and that means people of ALL KINDS are also playing these games and therefore have access to your good kid. AND!!! that said games also have private chat capabilities (remember the early days of a/s/l checks? Umm...YEAH! 'nuff said.).

BUT, if you are lucky (and YES there is also an upside to this otherwise craptastic and stomach turning experience) you might also get validation that you are doing a good job when, as you scour though the chat and email history, you happen across a statement made by your kid such as: "I'll [send it] tomorrow because my Dad is home then and he doesn't watch me."

You bet your ASS I'm going to be watching you.

Found at TheWickedStepMom

Surprise Step Child?

Dear Jacque,

A few months after I met my now husband, he discovered (through paternity testing) that he had a child from a relationship 9 years prior. The child’s mother waited for 9 years to seek child support and never established contact between my husband and her or the child (they lived 2,000 miles away).

This past year, the child’s (now 14) mother established contact with my husband and ultimately my husband has finally talked to his son online, over Skype and emails. Father and son seem to enjoy their talks and my husband is planning a trip to see him in the next few weeks. I don’t plan on going mostly because this boy hasn’t even met his father yet; bringing along an extra “mom-type” wouldn’t be fair to anyone.

I have done everything in my capability to be a good stepmom to the two kids that we share custody with with his ex-wife. In fact, some would say I’ve gone above and beyond the Stepmom call of duty. I love my stepkids and consider them like my own.

What perplexes me is that I can’t seem to wrap my head (or heart) around liking this third kid. I want to consider him part of our family, but I’m struggling with that. I admire my husband for stepping up and wanting to establish a relationship with this kid but I feel like a horrible person because I don’t want to deal with the new extension of our stepfamily.

Our custodial kids don’t know about their half-brother and we have no intentions of telling them at the moment. Both kids tend to have behavioral issues when confronted with major upheavals (as could be expected).

Any advice for how I can maintain my sanity while I warm up to an “extra” stepchild?

Read the answer on Becoming A Stepmom

Getting Ready For The Holidays - 5 Tips

5 Tips to Help Stressed Stepparents Enjoy the Holidays…

As Thanksgiving approaches, instead of feeling the warm anticipation of a day to spend with family, stepmothers across America are downing antacids… Considering the fact that most stepmothers feel they have zero control over what happens in their homes, a stepfamily Thanksgiving is one holiday recipe in danger of becoming a disaster. Luckily, there are things you can do to mitigate some of the stress you’re feeling as the holiday season approaches. READ THE FULL ARTICLE HERE

Thinking Of Meeting The Ex?

For most stepmothers, meeting your husband’s ex-wife for the first time is an incredibly nerve-wracking experience, and my situation was no exception. I knew that Lucy was a difficult person – or at least, that was my impression of her gleaned from receiving countless lists and directions from her when the boys visited our home and through overhearing Aidan’s end of phone conversations with her. And of course, I had heard Aidan’s side of the story concerning why their marriage had ended and Lucy’s role in the break up. Honestly, I secretly wished that there were a way that I could just be a stepmother and wife without meeting Lucy, but of course, this wasn’t practical.

A year after becoming the boys’ stepmother had passed before she and I met face to face, mostly because we lived in the States and Lucy and the kids lived in Montreal. Combine this with the fact that Lucy wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea of meeting me and I didn’t have an overwhelming urge to meet her, the distance ended up being an easy excuse for why we had never met one another. Aidan would travel on his own to Montreal to visit the kids on his appointed weekends, and then he’d pick them up and bring them to our home over the holidays and in the summer. In hindsight, I probably should have insisted on meeting Lucy sooner, but the right thing to do is almost never the easy thing to do.

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Do You Have Teen Step Kids? Listen Up!

If you have teen stepkids in your home, you need to listen to this episode of the free Stepmom Circles Podcast. Stepfamily coach Emily Bouchard shares some great ways to connect with teenaged stepchildren. She learned the hard way with her two teen stepdaughters. Tune in to find out how she handled it when one of her stepdaughter’s stole her car and went for a joyride!



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Does It Really Take 7 Years To Work?

Reports about it taking seven years to blend a stepfamily are shockingly accurate. Stepmom Paula Bisacre writes in The Washington Times:

In our earlier years, stepparents with whom we spoke were in one of two camps. In the first camp were people just like us who were married for less than seven years and who wondered sometimes how they ever would get through stepfamily challenges successfully. The second camp was comprised of couples who had been happily remarried for more than 15 years with children that had all grown up and moved out. Campers from this second group calmly and knowingly said, “Just give it time. Be patient. And, keep your sense of humor.” There were a couple of days when more than a few of us in the first camp, including me, heard this and just wanted to roll up their tent and go home. Wasn’t there anyone in between?

For many stepfamilies, it’s a long road to feeling settled.

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